Listening in my car to of Monsters and Man 6 weeks. Damn that song hit me hard with the happy truth. That same morning I assured myself to return to Iceland in 3 months time. Alone, I fight these animals.... I'm coming back, she is taking me home. I just hear lyrics touching me straight to the heart. Maybe the lyrics have nothing to do with me being happy, but it is the words that count, so I scream out loud, Im going back, Im going baahaack... so happy I am!
I know many people will doubt and critise my plan to go to Iceland. Yes it is the truth I could spend my money better. But I am me, and I do things different. I rather spend the money I still have as refund of my failed trip to the UK now I still can, before the money pigs come and collect it to pay big bankers who screwed up our money in the first place. Go to hell, it is my money, and it has been refused to be used to make me happy once, and it won't happen twice. I go to Iceland, if not going now I might not go forever. So I recycle my failed trip and that was decided back there in France. Me all alone with too much luggage and too less money, a destroyed by me phone and no way to contact anyone anywhere at all. And at that moment I had the idea to go to Iceland. Actually I considered it to go that weekend. But yet I still was without my ID, that was the reason why I was stucked in the French public transport in the first place. It would take me many many hours to get back home to retrieve it but then I could only be in Iceland 3 days. But now, now I decided I have to go, a bit later. My mind was speaking, I cannot control the feever. And I believe this is the way it should happen. I could not go to UK to make it possible to go to the place that really matters.
To me it feels very weird, to be so devoted so sure. For all this dreams plans hopes and wishes I had to go live here, there or anywhere, only Iceland was capable to actualy get me working on it. Ok should not lie, I have been to Portugal with the wish to go live there, but returned 2 weeks later because I almost killed myself by falling off a horse in a very bad way. End of the adventure, back to the life I don't want to live. The beginning of all the shit I didn't ask for, the shit I am still in.
So for me, it was not really planned to go to Iceland this soon. Because I have no money. But a soft voice out of the depths of myself, assured me it is now or never. So I am going for 6 days now. To the Icelandic Horse Festival. It is by far not what Landsmot is, but frankly this will be (I think) less crowdy, giving me more chances to find my way into the world of Equestrian Iceland, and hopefully find what I am looking for. Be carefull I might get home with a horse.... Or well, no I could buy myself a horse, but it is my dedication to have an Icelandic Horse that I have traveled with on Iceland first. It is my dream, and no Icelandic Horse destined for me would leave the Iceland without us having great rides together in the land of its spirits and ancestors. IF that horse will ever leave, because I cannot believe I want to take it away from its source. And well, you may already know, that I have made it a serious task to go live in Iceland a bit longer. Who knows for the rest of my life. Since I feel confirmed in the fact that I have no future in my 'home' land. Though I never call it that way, because it has never been and never will be my homeland. Of course I have my pride about this country, it has its good sides, but it mainly makes me very unhappy living here, because my spirit can't be free. I constantly live with fears, at times I feel so damn scared to leave my house, because crime is increasing, and gouvernment makes it a hell to live when you are alone like me. It will be my death if I stay here much longer. It is what I have always felt, and via Finland it came to surface that my time has come. To leave and fly away. A dream that I have had since childhood.
So, April I go back. Back to see how I can have a future here, how will my cats thrive here. Because if one thing is sure, I would only go if for them the quarantaine is the only disadvantage. But if they have to stay 4 weeks caged separated from eachother (which I don't think) it will be a no go for all of us.
Since 1 1/2 day of my trip will be traveling, I dont have much spare time, so I doubt I will spend lots of time touristing around. I go horseback riding, that is for sure. And the rest... very maybe if I can afford I will take a day trip to Jokulsarlon or into the area around Hekla, if that tour is not like with 60 Chinese crammed in a bus. I have options for small group tours, which might be ok with me. But this area is part of the highlands, the roads may still be closed this early :-( I really am afraid I one day have to go in mass tourist season, I want to see the puffins once too. Maybe next year I go late May. If not living in Iceland that is, because if I do not find a decent job, I really cant afford as I loose my unemployment benefit in September. I hope times will change soon. You never know ;-)
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