Still working out my way to plan and see what I want but mainly can do. So much to see, so much I want to do. But life restrictions keep me bounded to stay that kid in the candy store that has her hands tied to her back, being told to only see, smell and feel. But for me that is enough. Any small connection to Iceland is for me enough to let me be free from the madness and sorrow that tries to influence my life.
My only 2 things scheduled so far are a longer horse ride. Now I go for a 5 hour ride, which I terribly look forward to. I miss my forlegged counterparts in my life. And it is weird that I can't afford riding, but spend a fortune to go riding far away. But give me a choice between one year riding lessons and a 5 day trip to Iceland, and I choose the last. I'm curious to this experience at another place. I loved Laxness Farm, but was afraid to end up with tourists, so I choose a longer more experienced tour this time. At least I would think to expect to have a bit more power into the ride. I had at Laxnes but my experience with guiding tours myself could not let me go to keep eyes and most of all my worries about the others stumbling around and in my opinion mentaly disgrace the horses. I hope this time I will have my go and better weather. But am very aware that April might not be as gentle and nice as my autumn trip has been. Depsite the rain, April might be much colder. But it is Iceland, I can't know what to expect until it is time.
Then, I also have my northern light tour. Last autumn it was cancelled over and over again. But I didn't get my refund. And then I thought why not give it a try for my next trip, and retrieve my money if Friday it still did not happen. I cannot afford the car to drive out a little bit. Nor am I doubtfree about the fact finding my way back home without getting into trouble ;-) I know myself.... even with navigation.
Then of course my main reason to go to Iceland. The Horse Festival. Looking at the program I am afraid it will pass me by completely. Not much going on except for visiting farms (which I can't because of no car) and the main thing being on Saturday on which I am being sad back at home. It is a pitty.... sometimes I am such a mess. But I will enjoy myself, and hopefully also being able and maybe succesfull finding a job over there. I more and more regret I never took my chance years ago when I got it. I could have been happy in Iceland for many many years already. And now, in these days jobs there get scarse, everybody wants to go there. But it is typically me to let chances untouched. Last year I made the promise to myself to never ever let that happen again. No horse will leave my life if it is meant to be in it. No job offer will be unconsidered if it comes to me. No cookie will be refused when given, and no interesting guy paying interest be ignored. It is time to stop being blind for my path of life. So... I will be happy going to Iceland and do whatever I can to work on my dreams. But mainly preparing for some things that have been running like crazy through my mind for a loooong time. So I guess about next year if circumstances allow me, I for once have to let go my pride and visit Iceland in June. For midsummer camping, Landsmot, see puffins and get really pissed off and frustrated by all the tourists. And Iceland knows what more. The only 2 dreams I cannot control are seeing a volcano eruption and true mindblasting northern light displays. I guess that involves a long term stay in Iceland. But no worry one of my maindreams is to stay at least 3 months in Iceland in one go. It HAS to happen, it is something that is on my mind for centuries. I want to cross Iceland, and most likely on horseback mainly. On a horse that is mine, which I will keep. And that is a mission that takes a lot of preparations. Not in the least place to find this horse that I think has a spirit to do this dream with me.
Why is it that I always start to dream when I write or think about Iceland??? I guess the Icelandic inspiration flows far and wide. I may not be Icelandic. But I think my connection to the land and the Earth we live on, helps me to get this naturally inspiration that is in all that was born and created on Iceland. Bringing this wonderfull music and artistic skills into the world. Though I must say I lack any taste for arts, I simply don't like it. Also not the Icelandic. Except for the art of Nature itself. But what I do value is the fact that I feel and see Icelandic inspiration comes from the restless Earth.
But.... 2 weeks before I go again. Nerve wrecking. I wish it was tomorrow. I know time will fly quickly, because I feel like it was yesterday when I said it was still 4 weeks to go. But I have this kind of feeling this trip can be life changing. Not in the least place that I notice I leave decisions & commitments for April. I have this gloomy feeling I am more able to do when I return back home.
Who knows.... for now I start dreaming clearer and slowely but steadily prepare. Iceland I missed you terribly... how rough will it be this time to go back home? I shiver when I think of the flight, even the plane seemed to be not amused to leave its origin. This time I will take some tranquilisers, last thing I need is to turn afraid to fly, a psychic thing I fully understand now... Afraid to fly would mean I won't go to Iceland anymore, because by boat is too expensive and as you imagine, it won't be comfortable either during stormy tides in autumn....
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